Lord – Is there anything you want to speak to my soul? I do not want to manipulate you or use you. You will not be used. I do not want to fake it or twist it. You deserve my worship and my all.
So here I am.
I loved last night how Timothy Keller said – “ If you seek happiness more than you seek me, you will have neither; if you seek to serve me more than serve happiness, you will have both” (The Meaning of Marriage). How true is that! I have first hand experience of trying to fix my mood and it getting worse and worse!
I don’t want anything but you.
My heart and flesh war against my spirit but you give me a new heart that longs for you. That, although tempted, only wants you. Help me trust you, Jesus. Help me trust you in my temptations. Trust you with my heart. I believe the lie that I can control my heart and flesh… but it’s only by submission to your Spirit that I find FREEDOM! Amen!
Take my heart – use it. May I love you more than life. I have searched the world and found only you to be the one that satisfies my soul. That gives meaning to the chaos. To my life. Open me up, I am broken before you. Take me – I am yours. You are my rock, redeemer, friend. Help me rest in your sweet mercy and grace. Help me bathe in your presence. The essence of who you are is perfection. I am utterly amazed. If I am overcome by you, what else matters? If my heart is in your hands, who can harm me? You have the words of life. Living water that never runs dry. I will speak of your goodness forever. I will worship you all the days of my life. My cup will never run dry. You are it. You are all. You are MY all in all.
I have only but to sit and be amazed.
The Psalm came to mind as I was praying – It includes some of my favorite verses as a well as the lyrics to one of my favorite Rich Mullins song’s “Nothing is Beyond You”. (Yes – bringing it back old school).
O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.
O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.